‘The Need To Feel Special’. Why We Feel The Urge To Be Loved and Appreciated

We being humans will always have this hunger to be loved and cared, and to feel special. But most often than not, this urge to feel loved emerges from our emotional empty cup. If we do not fill our cup, we can never tend to others, or accept as things are. There will always be that unfulfilled need to feel loved, that unsatiable expectation from others, to ‘make you feel special’ I was able to identify my stubborn need when I sat down with my emotions. It was not once, but several times I felt this urge in me to feel loved and appreciated.

I’m going to decode the reasons and share the steps with you that helped me to overcome this need. Read further to know more about my personal emotional story. I hope you find the light and the inspiration to change yourself in a better way, for your better future. Come along! Let’s dive deep into our emotional need as humans.

I understood that these needs were deeply rooted, and it was not easy to nip them in the bud now, as an when they showed up! My emotional needs started building up since my childhood.

I always depended on my family and friends to tell me that, “I was beautiful, I was talented, or I was important, and wanted.” I grew up with this need in my heart, and the need grew up with me. Fast forward now, even when I am 42 yrs old, I still urge for that validation sometimes.

I have definitely become better in loving and accepting myself with all the flaws and imperfections. But there are times when this need overpowers my mind and it starts playing tricks with me. As I’ve gotten older, I’ve decided to be determined and, therefore will no longer be a part of these coping mechanisms from childhood- people-pleasing and validation.

The more I understand these needs, the better I get at accepting myself, and my emotions.

So how do you learn about your emotional needs? Like, why are you feeling this way, why you have the urge to expect from people to love you, to include you, to appreciate you, to care for you, etc. This is how I learned about the sources that triggered my emotional rollercoaster. I hope this helps you too!

1. Visit your past often for a cause

As most of you already know that, “your past affects your present.” Yes, it’s true. Visiting you past incidents that makes you feel very emotionally down can give you an answer to your need for love and to belong.

Even if we grow up to be adults, the void that was created once due to an incident, or because of number of incidents in your childhood, could be the reason(s) you are still longing for love and care. Me, being a positive thinking believer and a doer, I still feel down and lonely sometimes, especially when people treat me like, I am not important, or almost invisible to them, when my followers leave, when I fail, when I’m not given an opportunity, when I am criticized and compared!

A lot of my emotions that I feel in my present right now, seems to be stemmed from my unfulfilled expectations and desires I had as a child. Learning about this need gave me the light and wisdom to accept those emotions of anger, jealousy, loneliness, regrets, and hopelessness. I can handle these emotions is a much better way than before- in a more mindful way, I mean!

You must heal from your past to live a good life in your present.

2. Stop self-criticisms

Again, let me repeat that, “acceptance is the key.” Making peace with yourself, with your circumstances, and with your fate and life will make is easier for you to ease that powerful need of love, care, and attention from others.

Reminder:” Don’t underestimate yourself by comparing yourself with others. It’s our differences that makes us unique and beautiful.” ~Robert Tew

If we don’t reinforce a strong belief system, and accept ourselves truly, we will continue to feel unworthy and disappointed with how we are. Our internal disappointments then reflect outside in our behavior, in how we treat others, and if we love and accept others!

The more you hate everything about yourself, the greater the chances are that, you will always feel that validation need from others, and this will leave you feeling empty and never-enough from inside.

3. Disconnect

Disconnect yourself from anything and everything that is not serving you and your growth anymore. people, sources, events, “spaces,” anything that is not aligning with your thoughts, your higher self, and your values, let them go.

Sometimes being alone gives us that clarity we’ve been looking for. When we are alone, we get to know ourselves better, and give ourselves the much-needed attention and the love we’re seeking from others.

Main Image Credit- Photo by Pietra Schwarzler on Unsplash

I hope this article find you well, and may serve as a reminder for you that, you’re not alone, you’re loved, and you’re appreciated for who you are. You are special just the way you are, and you don’t have to change a bit to be visible to others, or to be loved and cared and appreciated.